San Francisco saved my arm

I was at the Williamsburg dog run this weekend when a Spuds McKenzie attacked my English Bulldog, which subsequently became my arm. Luckily I had on a hideously unattractive and thick San Fran sweatshirt that shielded my limb from becoming kibbles n' bits. Two visits to the ER and a tetanus shot later I am bedridden with a 102 fever. Despite rumors, I am currently still alive.

Police composite sketch of the suspect...